Being Still

Sometimes things don’t make sense in our natural minds.  Sometimes this can be down right frustrating.  Sometimes, we just want to plan things the way we want them to happen, the way they SHOULD happen.  But, sometimes, our God has other plans….It is time to be still and wait on Him.  I have never had as much difficulty doing that as I do right now.

After a recent MRI, it was found that Emalee’s cyst has grown by another 2mm.  This growth has taken place within the last 8 weeks.  This is very alarming as her parent because I just want the thing to quit wreaking havoc on her precious little body.  But, I am not in charge and my plan just went out the window yesterday.  I just knew the surgeon was going to call and schedule Emalee for surgery in June.  I just knew that we were going to be headed to LA in a very short amount of time.  I just knew that I had this thing all planned out, but God just knew it wasn’t the right time.  No big deal right?  I mean after all, I do trust Him with her life right?  After all, He did create her in His image, right?  Right!  Except, the news I received put all that right back into perspective for me. 

Dr. Shahinian told me that he wanted to do a rescan in one year.  One YEAR!  So, I asked him if I understood him right, that she would miss another year of school, gain another 60 pounds and live another year with very little quality of life!  I was furious!  This is not what I had planned for my daughter!  She is pushing every day and now I had to tell her that she had to endure for another year.  People, I am telling you, she is amazing, but she is twelve years old.  This is a hard spot to be in at 32 much less at 12.  He told me he would compromise and rescan in 6 months.  Seriously, that is like Thanksgiving!  No way, there is just no way!  He told me that if her symptoms worsened, headaches, seizures, etc. to notify him immediately and that was the end of the conversation (in a nutshell).

I got off of the phone and immediately I wanted to ball my eyes out, but I couldn’t find the tears.  I wanted to feel sorry for myself, for Emalee, for our family, but I felt such a peace.  What in the world was going on?  I began to pray and the Lord spoke into my heart to be still.  He STILL holds my girl in the palm of His hand even when MY plans fall through. 

Who am I?  And why in the world would I ever think that MY plan would ever be better or more timely than HIS plan…I realized that I don’t want my plan anymore….I want HIS plan.  Right there, he renewed my strength.  He showed me how He has carried us all for the past year and He will continue to.  There are so many things about this season in Emalee’s life that seem so unfair.  No basketball camps this Summer, no Dry Gulch USA, her favorite thing to do in the Summer, but she can’t!  She can’t because this year of her life has been set aside that she would know and see that the Creator of her fragile little body is bringing her closer to Him, stretching her faith, and demonstrating that HE IS SURELY ALIVE!   Praise the Lord!  His strength is perfect, when our strength is gone.  So thankful that he is renewing our faith and our strength day by day.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for our family.  This has been such a trying time, but we know that God chose it to fulfill a part of His calling on our lives.  To teach us what it means to solely look to Him and to be thankful every day that souls will be forever changed by the courage and joy that Emalee and our family portray and give out each day even in the midst of our storm.  So thankful to be used of Him, so so thankful…This is part of HIS PLAN, to be used to demonstrate HIS GLORY.  I can’t wait to see it revealed...She is healed by the blood of the Lamb and the word of her testimony.  She is an overcomer and no weapon formed against her will prosper.  She will live the way the Word of God says she will live…ABUNDANTLY.   We are sitting in the middle of our circle believing that the revelation is near.  She has received her Healing and the Glory of the Lord will be revealed on every face.  She is the healed of the Lord for the Lord has big things in store for her life….She will forever change the nations of the world because her testimony is going to rock their socks off.  People get ready! 

PUSHING FOR EM!

Love you all,

Amanda

P.S. Humbled every day that I was chosen to be her mother.  After all, I have so much to learn and she has taught me more than I can ever explain.  She is my hero!